I pictured an angel
When I prayed for you,
I know I was heard,
My dreams have come true.
We cherish this gift,
a life to unfold.
Entrusted forever,
To have and to hold.

I met Manu (Manuela) over 2 years ago and with time we became more than friends. Sadly it wasn’t enough for a relationship. It’s like sun and moon, even when they never meet, they cant live without the other one. That excludes the snoring. 😉

With time I got to know about her past. From her being raped as teenager, wich is the cause why she can’t have children the narural way and both oviduct had to be removed. Also from her ex-husband, who at first prentended love and promised her to go the way of artificial fertilisation. But when it got serious, his vanity was more important and he started hitting and kicking her in the stomache during the procedure, so that she not only lost the fertilized ovum but also her dream. It’s more important for a man to create a child in bed, rather than just have one, or else he doesn’t feel like a man.

So she never gave up on her dream, she always fought for it, for her own small family, for the eyes of a child. But she never wanted to be a burden to anyone, would have never asked for it. Thats why I offered her to go with her on this journey, to support her, wherever I can. But with the surprise the disapointment came fast.

Germany, land of the women… when they act like men. Fixiated on a career rather than having a child, negotiate over a woman quota or the right for women to vote. But the decicions over her future should be decided from a man, please. If a woman was taken her natural right to become a child from a man, if a woman gets mistreated by her man, that wont even get shown in the local news, but over a draw at the European Championship will be discussed all over Germany.

An adoption never was in question for Manu, because it only applies to heterosexual, married couples. Those also need a criminal record certificate, various psychological tests, proof of income and many more investigations that you feel rayed, so that you feel like people can look through you like glass. Of course it would be an option for us, but sadly it also would take a while to get through the procedure, but I fear that by then the required maximum age to be eligeble would be exceeded. A shiny example of german imagination or more like delusion.

Hold on tight,
lets win this fight,
together!

The alternative would be Co-Parenting. Women and Men searching for eachother, who have the desire having a child, but don’t want a releationship. But that search is mostly limited by the looks and mostly on the sentence: “Coverboy looking for Covergirl for Coverbaby.” But those pairs can’t hope for support. In society those parents will be looked at oddly. When you scream at eachother as a couple and fight about the underwear of your children at the divorce, then it’s ok, but raising a child together without having a relationship … that’s too much.

Also financial it can’t be, and shouldn’t be by all means. Even if the payer (the health insurance company) would gladly support not married couples by their own will and for that even go before the Federal Social Court, than social is newly defined (Bundessozialgericht am 18.11.2014) and it even got forbidden for those companies.

The worth of a human and with that his dignity isn’t that valuable in germany it seems. Insurance companies date the worth of a human to be 1.2 million Euro(Der Wert des Menschen), at war human life is worth 4,500 Euro for the Bundeswehr after all (So viel ist der Bundeswehr ein Menschenleben wert),  but Germany seems to be worse than war, because there it’s not even 2,000 – 3,000 Euro for two human beings, namely mother and child (Kosten der Kinderwunschtherapie).

Against all the odds we are prepared, even more whatever will happen and by the uncertainty what the future brings, we will never regret this decision and we want to take responsibility for the child,

as mom and dad.